


Duck Duck Goose

by PaltryPensworth (AnnGry)



Series: Playmates [2]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Booty, Butt, M/M, Spanking, Swatting, smacking, tuchus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 19:53:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13014984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnGry/pseuds/PaltryPensworth
Summary: Robbie is starting to feel like the butt of a joke that only Sportacus finds funny, but he'll get to the bottom of it.





	Duck Duck Goose

**Author's Note:**

> When you write something by the seat of your pants the idea may turn out to be ass up, but at least you get to crack a few jokes.

The children, tied together around the trunk of a tree, watched as Sportacus stood up against the dread pirate Rottenbeard. The hero in blue employed dual tennis rackets to fend off the wild flailings of Rottenbeard’s balloon swords. He dodged and danced around the scoundrel and popped him one on his backside with the flat of his racket.

Rottenbeard let out a squawk and leapt forward as though he’d been branded. As he passed by the tree Trixie stuck out her leg. He tripped over the girl and went flying into the bushes, his balloon swords floating harmlessly away.

When his head resurfaced from the foliage Sportacus had untied the kids. They all turned and gasped at the pirate who wasn’t a pirate at all. The man’s tricorn hat and eye patch had come off along with the big bushy beard. It was Robbie Rotten!

Sportacus approached his adversary and offered his hand. Robbie swatted him away and got himself out of the shrubs. The kids had already forgotten about him now that they were free to resume their treasure hunt. They ran off with their homemade treasure map, hot on the trail once more. Yet Sportacus lingered, twirling his tennis racket between his fingers.

“You know you don’t really have to be a pirate to play with the kids. They’d let you join their treasure hunt if you asked.”

Robbie growled and turned his back on Sportacus. “I’d rather walk the plank.”

The elf chuckled at Robbie, a twinkle in his eye. With a flick of the wrist he served Robbie another smart rap on his bottom with the racket. Robbie squeaked and staggered away, almost falling back into the bushes. He looked back at Sportacus, his face caught between a grimace and a gasp. Sportacus winked at him.

“If that’s the case then you’d better watch your booty.”

Before Robbie could speak Sportacus had his rackets holstered in his pack and he flew into a somersault, leaving the man marooned on his own.

Robbie rubbed gingerly at his rump. He had never known Sportacus to use force like that before in scolding him for his misdeeds. Not that the mustached menace had hit him very hard. But as he stalked back to his lair he could still feel his muscles throbbing in the places that Sportacus had swatted him, one on either side of his posterior.

 

* * *

 

It was a perfect day to do nothing at all. Robbie strolled through town on his way to his favorite place, Lazy Park, to take a nap. He had his favorite pillow tucked under his arm and a spring in his step. He barely even paused to roll his eyes at the activities going on at the sports field. Those noisy kids were throwing discs back and forth across the blacktop to each other. Sportacus was there among them, leaping like a Labrador to save the errant frisbee that hooked off too high for the kids to catch.

“Hey, Robbie, come play with us!”

Ziggy threw one of the colorful discs at Robbie. Robbie halted and watched the wayward frisbee swing wide of him and soar off into somebody’s backyard.

“Do I look like a dog? You’re barking up the wrong tree.” Robbie set his shoulders back and walked pointedly past the fun and games. The kids argued over who should go and get the frisbee. Sportacus volunteered and jumped clear of the sports field. He ran past Robbie and flipped right over the fence to retrieve the toy.

“You’re sure you won’t join us?” Sportacus rotated the frisbee in his hands. Robbie kept walking, tossing his reply over his shoulder.

“I’ve got better things to do than chase some piece of plastic with a pack of wild kids. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got a date with a bench.”

Something whistled behind Robbie, a razing of wind before he got a sharp jab in his buttock. Robbie yelped and dropped his pillow. He covered his bottom with both hands and spun around. At his feet the frisbee clattered and lay flat. Sportacus laughed as he hopped the fence and sauntered over. He picked up the disc and met Robbie’s frazzled gaze with his own amused expression, his eyes crinkled in a sly smile.

“Maybe I’ll catch you later then.”

Robbie took a half step backwards and stumbled over his pillow. He crouched down and snatched it up, never taking his eyes off of Sportacus. The elf waved good bye to him with the frisbee and jogged back towards the sports field where the kids were waiting for him. Robbie could not make himself move at first until he saw Sportacus off and well away from him. He squeezed the pillow so tightly in his arms that some of the stuffing came out. Eventually he made himself move.

With every step an ache flared up where the frisbee had struck his rear. Even as a playful ring toss Sportacus’ aim was impeccable. The resident role model saw fit to chastise him for his attitude no doubt, but Robbie couldn’t ignore the slight soreness that it left in his glutes. He paused mid stride to glance back towards the sports field. With the kids running around him Sportacus stood in place, looking back at Robbie with that smile still on his face.

 

* * *

 

The giant toy magnet machine sparked and sputtered with a pile of broken sports equipment scattered around it. Sportacus had disabled the machine too late to save the toys but soon enough to save Robbie from going up in smoke inside it. Now they all stood there, the hero and the villain and the children. Some of the kids were put out by their belongings being ruined but there was always a silver lining. After all, Ziggy pointed out, didn’t Sportacus say that you don’t need toys to play?

“You can jump,” Ziggy said, and Sportacus demonstrated for their friends, jumping straight up in the air in a most impressive way. “You can clap,” and Ziggy and Sportacus both clapped their hands to rouse the laughter of the other kids. “You can run!” So the boy and the man ran in place like stationary sprinters.

All the while Robbie stood beside the pair glowering at them, sputtering his protests and waving his arms, but nothing he could do or say could stop everyone from playing.

“And twist it all around,” Ziggy pronounced, wiggling in a wacky dance right on the spot. Laughing softly Sportacus did likewise, swinging his legs and pumping his arms. He cast a sidelong glance to the grim and gangly man beside him and shimmied over until his rocking hips bumped up against Robbie.

Robbie recoiled at their jouncing sides, rearing up on one leg to shy away in the heat of the moment. The muscles in his face crossed wires and conjured the most confounded arrangement of his features, gaping open mouthed at the audacity of the elf. His whole body tensed so that he couldn’t even string together a coherent sentence and all that came out was a strangled scream. Throwing up his arms he broke free of his paroxysm and stormed off.

He did not count on Sportacus coming after him. He’d only cleared the center of town when the patter of rapid footfalls became audible underneath his own heavy stomps.

“Wait up, Robbie,” Sportacus called. “Part of your machine fell off, don’t you want it?”

“What good is a junky magnet to me now?” Robbie snapped, quickening his stride.

“It could still be good for something,” Sportacus said, following doggedly behind him. Robbie shot a glare over his shoulder towards the persistent blue pest. Sportacus held part of the interior control panel from the machine that sported the main power switch. As he jostled it in his arms he compressed the lever. The chunk of machinery jumped in his hold and gave out a strong humming noise.

Something seized at Robbie’s legs so that he couldn’t run anymore. It was as though the air itself held him back and resisted his attempts at pressing on. Stronger still it grew and Robbie could only grunt his surprise as he was dragged backwards by the invisible force. He stretched forward with his arms but there was nothing he could grab hold of to get free. He was at the mercy of an overpowering attraction, flying backwards to the source.

With a _clang_ Robbie’s rump made first contact with the machine panel that Sportacus wielded. They both stood in a shocked silence for a moment, wide eyes locked together. Sportacus’ mustache twitched, his mouth contorted into a toothy grin, and he busted out laughing.

“Let go of me you crazy blue elf!” Robbie strained against the traitorous machine, digging his heels into the sidewalk to no effect. “Get this thing off of me!”

“I’m trying,” Sportacus managed to say between gasps of laughter. He planted one hand flat on Robbie’s back and with the other yanked at the metal panel. All it accomplished was to yank Robbie up on his toes in undignified jerks and make the panel _clang_ between them.

“Stop shaking me like a tambourine and turn it _off_ ,” Robbie sputtered.

“All right, hang on.” Sportacus set Robbie back down flat on his feet. He fumbled around the edges of the panel. “I can’t find the switch.”

“Well what are you waiting for? Find it!”

Robbie jumped and stumbled as his command was answered by forceful fingers probing in around the underside of the panel, digging into his rump. Sportacus kept hold of the magnet with one hand so that Robbie could not fall in a heap or scurry away from his invasive explorations. He groped around until at last he found the switch. The machine’s humming undercurrent fell silent.

Sportacus pulled the panel away. It did not hold Robbie under its power any longer but the skinny man stood as stiff as a bean pole all the same. Sportacus indulged in one last chuckle and rapped his knuckles on Robbie’s rear end. “I guess this really was good for something.”

It was enough to shoo Robbie away a few steps. He spun around to keep Sportacus at his front while he protected his behind with one hand. “What are you talking about?”

“I did say I would catch you, didn’t I?”

“So you did,” Robbie muttered. He crossed his arms, taking great pains to leave his posterior undefended. “Is that it, then, you’re just going to let me go?”

“If you promise to play nice with the kids next time,” Sportacus said, “then sure.”

The crooked grin on Sportacus’ face, the arch of his eyebrow, the glint of mischief in his eyes, all together gave Robbie pause. He’d been put in his place again by the man. For all his plans the magnet machine may have stopped the kids from playing with their toys, but he’d ended up playing an entirely different game with Sportacus.

“And if I don’t,” Robbie mumbled. “Then what?”

Sportacus narrowed his eyes, his amusement creasing the corners. “If you want to play rough, you can always play with me.”

 

* * *

 

The kids all sat in a circle with Sportacus on the grass. Stephanie was the only one standing. She walked slowly around the outer ring, tapping each of her friends on the shoulder as she passed.

“Duck, duck...”

Robbie happened to be passing by and stopped to look on at the strange activities. Everyone was fidgeting waiting for Stephanie to tap them and would only relax after she said “duck” and went on. Robbie scratched his head.

“Bunch of bird brains,” he grumbled, but did not move on, waiting to see what should happen. When Stephanie was behind Sportacus she smiled broadly and let out a giggle as she tapped his shoulder.

“Goose!” she shouted, and ran away from the hero around the ring. Sportacus jumped to his feet and ran after her. The kids went crazy in the circle clapping their hands and shouting encouragement to Stephanie. She made it all the way back to the open space where Sportacus had been sitting before. The sporty man lunged for Stephanie, flying through the air, but Stephanie threw herself down into the open space to the roaring cheers of her friends. Sportacus rolled into an agile tumble and sprung back onto his feet with a good humored laugh.

“Good job, Stephanie.” He glanced up from the game and who should his eyes find but Robbie Rotten? Sportacus’ face lit up all the brighter and he waved at the other man. “Hi, Robbie! Would you like to join in?”

The children looked as well and Robbie found himself the center of attention. His nose twitched with the effort to put on the semblance of a smile, however much like a sneer it looked. Dragging his feet he came over. “Just what is this you’re doing?”

“It’s a game,” Stephanie explained, “the person who’s ‘it’ goes around and says either duck or goose to everyone else. If they say goose when they tap you then you have to tag them before they run all the way around and sit in your spot!”

“Sounds exhausting,” Robbie said. He caught Sportacus’ eye and shrugged. “I guess I can take a seat for one round.”

They made room for him to sit down. Sportacus started his circuit around the ring.

He tapped each child in turn, patting them on the top of their head or their shoulder, deciding for each of them in a singsong tone, “Duck, duck, duck...”

Robbie should have known what was coming, but then nothing could prepare him completely. He squirmed on the spot and his shoulders hunched up around his ears when Sportacus paused behind him. There came no tap on top of his head or a light pat on his back. Nothing of the sort.

“Goose!”

Robbie squealed and shot up like a rocket. His buttocks burned where Sportacus had decided to tag him; not only tag him, he’d given him a most painful pinch!

The kids clapped and shouted as Sportacus loped away from Robbie. Robbie couldn’t hear them over the rush of blood pounding in his ears. “ _Sportacus!_ ” he screamed, and ran after him. As soon as Sportacus caught sight of the look on Robbie’s fiery face he veered off course, abandoning the ring to bound away with the villain hot on his heels.

As much as his fury fueled his speed Robbie could never keep up with the sports elf. He gave up the chase and stood doubled over beside a bench, panting, one hand clutching at a stitch in his ribs, the other nursing what was sure to become a bruise on his butt.

Sportacus came trotting back and stopped before him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m _tired_ ,” Robbie snarled between gasps for breath. What had remained of Sportacus’ grin faded away and his brow wrinkled in concern.

“Would you like to sit down?” he asked, motioning to the bench. Robbie fixed him with an icy glare.

“I would,” he growled, “but I can’t.”

Sportacus nodded and shuffled his feet. He clasped his hands together in a contrite display of conscience for the rigmarole he’d put Robbie through. “I only wanted to make sure you would get up.”

“So you didn’t even give me the chance to show you that I would?” Robbie’s words were frosty. “How am I supposed to play nice when you play dirty?”

“You’re right,” Sportacus said, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it,” Robbie said. He straightened up and crossed his arms, looming over the other man. “Now turn around.”

Sportacus raised his eyebrows. “What?”

“Go on,” Robbie jerked his head at the bench. “I’ve had just about enough kicks in the pants from you. It’s only fair you get the same treatment. So bend over.”

There was no more mischief in Sportacus’ wide eyes. His mouth hung slack, at a loss for words to counter Robbie’s argument. He licked his lips and nodded then, the slightest dip of the head.

“All right, Robbie. Fair is fair.” He crept closer. Putting his hands on the back of the bench he looked at Robbie, his expression open and naked. Robbie strolled behind him where he could no longer see.

Sportacus stood frozen that way, his shoulders hunched, arms tensed. There was no noise or movement behind him and he shifted his legs.

“Robbie?” He turned his head to peek back.

“Duck,” Robbie said.

Sportacus turned his head back around and suppressed a shiver.

“Duck.”

He closed his eyes and breathed evenly through his mouth.

“Duck.”

Squeezing the bench his knuckles whitened until he forced his fingers to loosen their grip.

“Duck.”

Sportacus let out a harried huff of breath. “Robbie—”

“ _Goose._ ”

The strike caught him full across his buttocks. It burned as hot as a frying pan and Sportacus nearly jumped out of his boots. There came another smack that glanced off one side, followed by a volley of others. Sportacus wrenched forward and the bench caught him. Robbie didn’t let up for a moment. _Smack-smack-smack_ , Sportacus grunted from the force of his punishment. He groaned in an effort to speak out but no words would come, only a choked whimper.

Finally it ended, though Sportacus was slow to realize it. He trembled with a full body tremor, his legs wobbling, arms weak. His bottom burned with the phantom pangs of all those spanks. He was too tender to stand up straight. Robbie went around the bench and crouched down to look him in the eye, taking in every aspect of the humbled hero. Sportacus had a deep flush in his face that told how he’d taken things. For what it was worth Robbie looked a bit piqued himself.

“You know what, Sportaslap,” Robbie said. He rubbed his hands absently up and down his legs. They might have stung just as much as Sportacus’ behind from all of the strikes they’d exchanged. “I think I understand why you like this game so much now.”

A smile crept across Sportacus’ face. He shared in Robbie’s cheeky grin. “Want to play again?”

 


End file.
